To whom are you accountable? What popped into your head first – boss? Spouse? Friend? Yourself?

I am amazed every day by people, and usually in a positive way. I believe that the majority of people are good, have big hearts and care about others, seek to do justice and hold themselves accountable. But of course there are some who do not. They may by nature be unwilling to hold themselves responsible, not care about how their actions affect others, or may do so because of stress (economic, relationship, illness, etc). I do not hold a PhD but I am analytical by nature and consider myself a pretty good judge of character. I created the following categories of accountability…see what you think.

The moral person holds herself accountable to herself, first and foremost. She knows if she does something that is not right she will not only affect others, but feel badly. She will want to take action and admit her faults. She also holds herself accountable to others. For many this is just part of who they are. It is part psychological and may be inbred, but also has a lot to do with how you were raised, where you live and with whom you associate yourself.

The pleaser holds himself accountable to others, like his boss or teammate, someone he looks up to or with whom he is in a relationship. He is eager to please and if he is surrounded by moral people he will likely become a moral person. His confidence will rise when he does something right, and if the people around him teach him to hold himself accountable he will be successful and confident.

The know-it-all is the person who actually thinks he is in the right, even when he is not. He may or may not hold himself accountable to anyone in particular. He is the one who, when called out for being unprofessional or making a poor choice, does not admit he is wrong or even apologize. I think deep down he knows he is not in the right, but he may see himself as superior or may just not want to admit to others that he was wrong. This person may have been surrounded by hard to please parents or peers at times of crucial development. He also may just have low self-confidence. These types may hold themselves accountable to others they admire, but they may do so temporarily, depending on what the big plan is. These people CAN be healed with a little confidence and some good guidance.

The immoral person really only cares about herself and does not hold herself accountable to others, maybe not even herself. She does not consider the feelings of others, or maybe does but does not really bother with them. She is out for herself – maybe to make a quick buck, get to the top, make more money. She may have been raised that way, or she may have hardened herself due to circumstances she has faced in life. She may even not consider her actions to be immoral or even wrong, and may just need to associate herself with the right people to change her viewpoint.

I created the above list because I see these types of people all the time. I saw them when I practiced law, when I was not working and raising my children, and throughout my real estate career. There may be a few other categories you may think of, and some people may fall into several at different times.

I think the lesson here is that we all should ask ourselves to whom we are accountable. We need to be accountable BOTH to ourselves and to our clients, peers, family, friends. If you make a mistake, do not be afraid to admit it. Do the right thing and you will not only be more successful, but happier.

Communication is such an important necessity, and it is the key ingredient to effective results in most circumstances. In a world where communicating is easier than ever it astounds me that there are still people who do not communicate effectively. Here is a list of better ways to communicate that will help when negotiating, executing a task, delegating, or just about any other situation.

1. Listen. Listening is first because it is vital to understand the other person’s point of view. You may not agree with it and it may sound out of the ballpark at times, but it is imperative that you listen first. Many people are so fiercely grounded in their own opinions that they do not take the time to realize that others may feel differently. If you can listen earnestly–without being judgmental–before opining, you may come to learn a lot about the other person AND you may even see a way to compromise based on what he or she is saying.

2. Be Honest. This of course is crucial, and not only in times of disagreement. Honesty not only is a moral quality that is valued, but also says a lot about your character. If you are honest others will know that, and you will have a reputation for being honest. No matter that you may be dealing with those who are not honest, stick to your guns and don’t be afraid to be honest.

3. Share. Much like listening, sharing your side allows you to communicate effectively with the other party, and allows them to listen. Voicing concerns, fears and relevant facts help both parties to try and understand the other side.

4. Stay Calm. Staying calm when you are facing a conflict is also important to successful resolution. Even though you may not like what the other person is saying if you lose your cool it just creates frustration and a lack of respect from the person with whom you are trying to communicate. Sometimes you just have to tell the other person that you need to take a break, but don’t yell and act like a child!

5. Show Respect. For those of you who read my blog you know the importance I place on respect. It is in my opinion the most important value. When you are in disagreement or negotiations, when you are trying to figure out how to solve a problem, if you do not show respect for another person with a different view chances are things will not get accomplished; even if you do come to a conclusion a lack of respect can end the relationship on bad terms. Listening and respect go hand in hand.

Remember that many failures can be attributed to poor communication. Armies have perished because they did not know from where the enemy was attacking. Marriages have broken up because the couple didn’t communicate with each other. Deadlines are missed because of poor communication. Wars have been waged because of misunderstandings due to failed communication (and lack of respect and tolerance of other viewpoints and beliefs). Communication skills can be challenging, so if you need to brush up remember the five points above. The more we try to be better communicators, the better off we are.